lol i bet it's not

hi formspring i do not understand you

http://www.formspring.me/fagzzzzbitch

i am numb all the time.

photo: Tenshi Black

i remember when you could reasure me that everything was okay and that you loved me. you can't do that anymore

fox!

how cute is he!

Omer B. Washington

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

you love me. sure.
as long as nobody sees, hears or knows.

i don't feel like a whole person anymore.
i'm a shell and all my insides are floating around.
i hope to run into more walls with you :D

to
be
wanted
back

i laughed

it's funny because i knew you would do that to me.
it's funny because i don't care anymore.
it's funny because i'm going to go out and get drunk and be an owl.
who who who.
fuck you.


photo: Kyle Johnson

old is old

i love how i used to write super long blogs about everything i had been doing. now there is absolutely nothing to write about. i literally sit at home and only leave when Jordan asks me to.
since schools started he'll be too busy for me obviously.
SO from now on i am going to get out of my bloody house and go get wined and have crazy fun like i used to :D

i love my cat, she brought me more dead birds. :/

Photo: Alicia Griffiths

oops

i didn't mean to yell at you in front of people.

i had a lovely mental health day. thank you lex and michelle.

photo: Lina Scheynius

ouch

every part of my body hurts.
i will live out the rest of this in my safe place.

Photo: Mary Robinson

funny

If you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light

???

i'll never be good enough for you

at least i have my health

i desperately want a cigarette, but i think the reason my throat is sore is from the over smoking.
it's as bad as that horrible feeling where you're thirsty and busting to use the toilet at the same time.

marcus lane

Don't cry, this kiss is a kiss goodbye.
Don't cling, it's time to part.
Don't look at me nor ask me why
I've taken back my heart.

some people have all the time in the world

i love belle and sebastian

"i don't love anyone
you're not listening
you're playing with something
you're playing with yourself
i don't love anyone
you're not listening even now
you're playing with something
you're playing with someone else"

grateful

i am grateful, for things like bumholes.

focus

my head is so jumbled. every night i try and keep myself busy so i don't sit down and think and worry. it makes me unhappy. but i keep running out of things to do. and when i read for too long i get restless and fidgety and i have to stop.

i'm breaking so many of my personal rules with you. instead of running a million miles, i'm waiting for you to obliterate me.

i'm loving the whole school thing, i get to leave the house everyday and have more to concentrate on.
tomorrow i am going to buy a new puffy shower thing to wash myself with and new soap. i feel like new soap.
i want my hair to grow 3 more inches.
i made a new friend, her name is Scarlett. she's so cool! she's bubbly and excited about everything. she's so teeny tiny but we have the same shoe size and she gave me a new pair of shoes. i now have to find somewhere to wear them.
end of ramble.

excitement

i woke up expecting to feel excitement like i usually do for new things. but i woke up at my usual excitement time, 6am. no excitement to be seen. not that i could see much because my eyes were so swollen.
but that's okay. bus is in 20 minutes.
i think i'm just scared again.

i think

i give up. i'm afraid you don't want me anymore.
i've run out of things to occupy my mind with so i don't think about you.
i'll go back to my cell phone soon to dwell in more disappointment

i like this girls picture's.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30823583@N07/

i want to go to the beach. a lot.

i am going to go Thursday. after school. and i am going to go sit where an old friend and i used to drink vodka on Sundays.

i wish i was french

school tomorrow. i'm actually excited... well i think i am. it's either excitement or i'm so nervous that i've gone into a delirium.
last night, miche and i were french, we ate croissants and bagels and listened to french music and watched a great movie from Alice's.

he's at it again. the making me feel useless. but that's okay because i just don't care anymore, i don't have the time or energy to be bothered.

i want to be happy. and really happy.

i am messy today

big clothes are best
i wont brush my hair today, just tie it up
i am venturing to the mall, to buy a cute bra, something to wear on my first day at my new school and books and pencils and stuff.
i no longer hate bussing alone, i prefer it really. i like to sit and watch the other passengers, analyze them.
people are really weird.