ramblings

i want to fall in love. properly. the way i dream about. i want someone that i can look after and not feel self-conscious around.
i want someone who i can catch staring at me and can tell just by their stare that they love me and only me and their minds aren't on someone else.
but nothing is ever like you want.

dissapointment

i have come quite accustom to it.

29th january 2010

it's dark and grey today. how i like it. how i imagine an average day in a small secluded cobblestoned village in Europe somewhere would be. i will enjoy this because mum brought me a new notebook. i am going to write my whole life down in there then tuck the book away in my closet and wait for someone to give my heart and that book too.

if i die soon, i leave my wardrobe open to Michelle, you can have anything you want. and my writing. it's all under my dresser.

never camping again!

i love soko

and now when i look at you

i'm red like a tomato

i hardly articulate "hello"

and i'm so ashamed

because every night

i see you in my wet dreams

you are just like a porn star

and i suck your cock like a whore

:D hahaha.

no home

no matter how many family members are present in my home, i always feel alone, surrounded by strangers. i know nothing about them and vise versa.
i just sit in my room stuck in a unthinking stupor.

love to be loved

i feel nasty and disconnected, but it wont stop me
i feel i am doing to you exactly what your last closet wife did, spent her days with the boy/thinking about the boy/talking about the boy. i can feel myself boring the people around me.
I've never felt happier, though i am setting myself up for destruction.
take control

hello

i am so happy, i have not been this happy in so long. everything is fixed, so now things can continue being lovely and wonderful.
i'm so terrified to venture out into the new year.
shall be fine.
so long as i have my life jacket.

sifter

just thought i would post some visual aid for the meaning of sifter.
(:

awh look at my babys silly drunk keen for a smoke face :D
haha you are so cute!

new

the xx are my favorite right now, i think, if you don't like them already, you should go listen to them and fall in love also (:

ah laneway festival would be amazing! florence + the machine AND the xx! that's like. an orgasm in concert form. damn r18's.

i've told myself a million times, just break it off now and convince yourself not to love him. but it just wont work. i can't. no matter how much i want to save myself from being destroyed.

come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home come home

kill him.

i will kill karma

i over reacted at a girl, and now i feel terrible because she's terrified of me hating her, then what happened. last night happened. karma.
a girl leaves a wallet behind and instead of taking it to her we take it & what little change was in there, then what happened. we get taken home in a cop car at 4am.
i think i will stop being stupid now if that's okay.

2010

i have never felt so disgusting and ill in my life. it was so intense it got to the point where i was physically sick.
i sat in the bath, scrubbing at my skin, and you still would not come off.
i can't think straight and i want to be sick. again.
i love how you're telling everyone i was asking for it.
i love how you know i was not.

i haven't thought such vulgar thoughts of anyone in such a long time.
2010 was meant to start off better than this.

• strange infatuation, even thinking about you touching makes me feel like i'm dying

i miss you

new obsession :D

you're gone, and i hate it already.

new years was good :D it's a good new years when people are getting naked on the roof hahaha.
it would of been perfect if there wasn't that whore there and if mitch hadn't gotten all violent and mental.
and if the couch jordan and i slept on was one inch wider, sleeping on top of a ridiculously skinny and bony boy is not comfortable >.<

2010 has to be good, i am not having bland year.

2010 will be horrible though, everything has to end eventually remember.

should not have let myself fall.

new years!

it was good but i'm angry so i need to rage.
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING SLUT? YOU SHOW UP AT MITCHS AND TRY TO FUCKING GET INTO EVERYONE.
KISS MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND? THEN TRY TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO ME? BAHA FUCK OFF. I HOPE IT FUCKING HURT YOU WHEN I HIT YOU IN THE FACE YOU UGLY SLUT.

good night overall though