you never told me

that those boys, have no feelings

i'll cut your little heart out

cause you made me cry

history of love

"Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering."
— Nicole Krauss

you are a

.

love can change the speed your blood runs through you, it can make you dream in kaleidoscope color. still shit.

what are you doing

seeing how far i can push myself

1.30

my mum told me to wear something nice to the funeral, i'm going to wear a big ugly floral dress my nana gave me 2 years ago.

Edit:
i ended up cutting it shorted and pinning it up so it looked nice. hahah outraged my family a bit

simple pleasures huh

Ryan says:
it only took me like 5seconds to dry my hair
im living the sweet life

hahaha<3

.

why cut yourself when you can be in love
ahahah oh i love this shitty show.

everything

is fucked up, i'll never forgive you for what you did, i'll never forgive myself for it either. same boat, different seas.

WHAT THE FUCK

http://img.4chan.org/b/src/1259197823784.jpg

THIS MADE ME SPEW WHAT THE HEEEEELLLL

i'm sorry but

I LIKE BOYS LIKE GIRLS, NOT HIDING IT ANY LONGER ;3

lol

damn alcohol.
sorry i'm so mental sometimes, it's this time of the year c:
you
are
so
pretty
!

when you die

so i watched my nana die, that was the horrible thing. honestly i. just. wow. it was the most terrifying thing i have ever seen. to watch her struggling then just lying flat. dead. on the floor.
and i was asking mama where her body was now, IN A COFFIN AT MY AUNTS HOUSE. now why would you want a dead body in your house!
tonight, i'll crash on my couch, because my bed feels wrong.
i'm not sure i want to die.
it looks too peaceful.

.

DROP DEAD YOU LYING PRAT LOL OMG I'M SO ANGRY.

i love this too

i'm not calling you a liar, just don't lie to me
i'm not calling you a thief, just don't steal from me
i'm not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me
and i love you so much i'm going to let you kill me

i think Florence + the machine are my new favorite.

haha more whinging

my whole blog is like whinging and bullshit nothingness that no one cares about.
pretty sure my nice day was ruined.
but that's okay cause michelle and mitch are adorable.

i love this

I'm going out,
I'm gonna drink myself to death
And in the crowd
I see you with someone else,
I brace myself,
Cause I know it's going to hurt,
But I like to think at least things can't get any worse.

sunny tuesday

last night. i watched the most horrible and traumatic thing i have ever seen. so today. has to be nice, today will be nice, i'm seeing michelle! ^-^

ritalin

i really need a job. i'm not sure where to start looking.. i'm not keen on the idea of working in a supermarket, although i do just want the money.
this week i have re-watched the entire first, second and third season of skins, well done alex.
need to get up again.
getting bored with down.
florence + the machine are amazing.

people

i know a lot of people.
i talk to a few.
i like even less.
i'll say hello to 3.
i'm not rude.
just scared.

ooooooft

vent on me! i like to listen to you, i like to run around after you and i don't mind worrying about you. giving me something else to worry about might be better than worrying about the other things.

********

the capital city stole you're heart away.

lie

you lie so much to me! i just can't bring myself to confront you.

.

lazy days make me miserable

super

i have the most beautiful best friend, a sexy boyfriend and summer coming up!
i'm a keen bean ^-^

i woke up sucking on a lemon

you're not funny. you're not smart. you're not attractive.
stop acting like you're so great. if only you knew what everyone says about you.

the only downfall from when i had braces is that now i have an annoying habit of talking down to the ground so people think i continuously mumble and they can't hear me.
and when i laugh i feel like i still have to cover my mouth.
lol bugger.

favorite

radiohead and cat power! that's all i like these days ;3
works for me eheheheh.

lalala

i had a good weekend, i've been doing bugger all but it's nice that way.
on friday, michelle and i got a bottle of wine and got completely wine'd! it was so wonderful and freeing.
then on saturday michelle and i went out with geordyn and his friends and they got drunk but we were nice and sober.
if you're sober, just dance ;3
haaaaaaaapppy

thursday

today was lovely ;3
i went to town earlier than usual. met up with william and michelle, brought some cigarettes.
we went through a whole packet, it was kind of gross, but they make me feel light-headed and nice.
we just hung around, saw a few people. then we went out for dinner at the volcano cafe in lyttelton, michelle and i shared nachos, they were so good, i love guacamole!
then we went back into town and i missed my bus because jordan was going to meet me, but then he didn't, and i had to wait half and hour for my bus.
the bus broke down a 20 minute walk away from my house. it was so useless.
now i'm at home, listening to cat power.
today wasn't so lovely.

nice, nice, nice

finally mum came home today, she gave me the last of her change and i bussed to town to meet Michelle. she was going to be a while but that was okay, i went outside for a cigarette and bumped into Megan, she is the cutest thing ever!
she hung out with me till Michelle got there.
then i got to see Brittany for a few minutes! :D
we went and got chai tea from c1. Megan had to leave at 4 though for some school thing.
after the chai, Michelle and i walked around town for a while and then we got noodles ;3
healthy dinner.... really...
now i am home, preparing for another dull night of movie watching
wheeeeeeeee

bugger

i hate so much how whenever i am mad at you, or upset with you, you can say one word and i melt and forget everything. it isn't fair, you'll never learn this way!
i hate it when I'm trying to make a statement and show you you've done something wrong, then you grab my hips, push my hair out of my eyes, cup your hand around my face and make me feel so small. it makes me feel like I'm going to evaporate.
don't push my feelings away

bored

i woke up at 8.10am, for some reason that's the time i set my alarm for. i lay there trying to go back to sleep because i am so unbelievably tired but it didn't quite work. so i got up at 9 and made some breakfast, fairy bread.
mums gone out without telling me again, she's being all sneaky. maybe she has a new boyfriend. yuck. old people sex.
when michelle texted. i'm going to go get coffee with her later, i jumped in the shower to wash my hair.
now i'm just sitting, waiting, very bored.

i love you FML

Today, I sent my boyfriend a letter, turns out it was the wrong address. My panties are now somewhere in Canadian post. FML

;D

i had such a good day, i woke up and felt so good about everything and didn't it was perfect. i went and saw taylor :3 then i saw michelle! and hung out with her all day, following geordyn around pretty much but we were cool and sat on a different wooden square to them and ogled at all the pretty girls with perfect legs.
today was good.

chomp

i found the perfect comfort food. these cheese cracker things. they're all salty and full of carbs. they're my new boyfriend.
i watched this movie, Catch and Release. it was kind of okay. a bit weird. and the "hot other woman" was so so so ugly! silly movie what.
then i watched Disturbia which i've seen only about 150 million times, i really like i though, and the girl in it is so beautiful. and i personally think Shia LaBeouf is adorable!
i'm going to watch season 1 and 2 skin again just cause i can and just cause i feel like watching unrealistic fucked up teens.
i really need to stop changing the subject all the time with people. i think it gets annoying. but oh well, fuck you lololol

rock bottom

i haven't felt this shit in so long. i feel sick, i've vomited like 20 times today, i have the most painful cut on my hand and i don't even know where it came from, i stubbed my toe, my mums like trapped me in my room and has declared her hate for me.
i'm so lonely. but i don't want to go out and see anyone because i feel so damn low.
and god, just fuck you, you are the shittiest person i have ever met, i mean it's not like you lie a lot, it's the fact that your lies are hurtful and bring me down 1000000000 times more.
you're meant to make me feel okay about myself you fuckwit.

get out of my skin

i want new clothes, i want to cut all my hair off, i want to skip the country and completely change everything about me.
reinvention please!

changed my mind

i said i have jealousy issues, but it's trust issues. i don't trust anybody, it's unhealthy

bold

i have so much energy but nowhere to put it. i've been like locked in my room all day which i kind of liked because my mum is so mad at me :S
she's finally gone to bed so i can roam the house.
i have no tobacco left.
coffee would not be a good idea right now.
and i'm too fidgety to sit down and watch a movie, i tired.
everything is bringing me down.
except radiohead ;3 oh how i love you thom yorke.

junk

you all say i'm too good for him but i don't think that that at all. if anything it's the other way round. well that's what i think. so everybody shush.
end of that.

scooters, vacation, fall?

comfort food time. i'm going to make a big disgusting pizza and eat as much as i can then go to sleep for a million years.

tip of the iceburg

so i woke up, made myself a coffee, sorted out my clothes for the day, ate some peanut butter on toast, then watched my life end within 15 minutes.

shit lover

god i try, i try so hard to not love you, you'll never read this, even if you do you wont know it's about you. i mean you ruined my life. you ruined my self esteem. you ruined my friendships. you ruined my social skills, my confidence. everything.
i hear you name and my stomach drops, my head spins and i want to run until i explode.
you're the most perfect thing i have ever seen.
i'll never be the same from knowing you. although i know for sure i'm a totally new person, so you probably are too.
you're my standard, i compare everyone and everything to you.
we went everywhere together, did everything together, i can't go anywhere without a memory of you popping into my head.
i'll hate you again tomorrow but really i just miss you.

the good, the bad and the other girl

last night was crazy fun, i got so off my tree!
i tried a puff of a cigar, it was the most disgusting thing i have ever had in my mouth. what's the point in smoking them if you don't inhale it? and they smell so bad!
as the night went on so many people showed up, i barely knew anyone but it didn't matter cause everyone was so drunk and happy. i'm so glad i did not spew.
it got horrible towards the end. i wanted to go home so much, i even left. but i got taken back because i had to go pretty much babysit. he spewed on me and himself. i had to clean him up and run around after him like i was taking care of some sick retard 4 year old.
and i mean why date someone if you don't even like them? it's pretty bad when even your best friend is telling me to dump you. i hate that you're you, i hate that i've fallen for you, you're so ridiculous sometimes.
it was so fun dancing around to david bowie though, it was so fun playing around outside half pissed throwing bottles for 10 points! hahah.
i have another bruise on my upper arm, there's two now, how do you even get a bruise there?!
you know you were drunk when there's big black patches in your memory of the night and your head is still spinning the next day. it sucked so bad this morning, i got home and mum dumped children on me to babysit. one ages 4 and one just 13 months, he was so cute though, every time he looked at me he would crack up laughing ahah apparently i have a funny face.
i'm still mad at you.
Michelle and i are going to turn into owls tomorrow night, who who who who who.

woodstock

haha i'm a bogan. i'm going to have a good night, i hope :3
i've got my wine, bourbon and a pack of cigarettes and enough change for the bus.
i'm set for good or bad. i haven't gotten compleatly off my face since the gig with michelle, my goal for the holidays is to all wine-d up as much as possible, i like the weird bubbly spinny feeling it gives you.
the only annoying thing about tonight is the busses. since it's a "public holiday". show day is so not a public holiday.
and shame on the people attending today the weather is crap! i think that's what put me off last year, it was so cold and damp and the animals smelt weird.
it would have been nice to go though, to eat the disgustingly greasy almost yellow hot dogs and to throw darts at walls to win silly stuffed animals..

distance from here to there

you've fitted yourself into every aspect of my life,
you're in every tiny pore on my body,
my brain waves are powered by thoughts of you,
paranoid android is nice.

elevator love letter

my heels are high, my eyes cast low
and I don't know how to love
I get so tired after midday, lately
I take it out on my good friends
but the worst stays in, or where would I begin?

window bird

my kitty caught her second bird ever! i was so proud. till i saw the poor thing.
i wanted to go to that thing at the park with my wife. and Taylor was going and -_- they had a bouncy castle. ehehe. instead i brought coffee and went home. mum wasn't home so i had to sit out in the sun for an hour in a half which was okay cause it was nice and sunny.
i hope Geordyn stays tonight.
his party is tomorrow.
I'm so scared :s

wednesday?

i've decided i have jealously issues. oh well.
i'ma stay at lexs! =D

Google.co.nz offered in: Māori

ha, i wonder how many people will actually use this.
ridiculous. now they need their own google?

boring tuesday

i was meant to do a lot more today.
mum is slowly losing her mind again.
i wish i saw my wife. i wish i had more money so i could of stayed in town longer instead of using my transfer home.
i wish my coffee hadn't run out, i'm dying.
i wish i had slept last night.
i'm so sick and just followed the boy around all day.
i adore you so much, you just don't understand do you.

12

you told me to write a blog about sex, so i did. but i decided there was no way i was going to publish what i wrote. people don't really need to know about it. so i erased it. i had forgotten why i got excellence for descriptive writing. ugh.
you fucked me while death cab for cutie was playing, they're not cute anymore.

sometimes old friends are the best

i never relise how much i miss my old friends untill i see them and i relise how much more comfortable it is to be with them.
they know me inside and out and make me forget ll about my problems, the pile seems to be growing and growing but i'm so happy.
i'll deal with those things later.

karma police

look! we're sorry for taking the dress! and her all her mail! but i mean a rock in the face!? hahahahah
please make it sunny for the show

show weekend

i hate show weekend. it's the worst time of year.
but this show weekend is going to be different. :3
it's weird to think this time 2 years ago i was so ridiculously happy, then last year i was really unhappy and now this year I'll be ridiculously happy again.
I'm getting it all back.

3am taxi's

last night William and i drank again, i really like drinking with him, he's so fun. it was his dads birthday so heaps of strange but lovely people were up in the apartment too. i was all dizzy then mum asked me to catch a taxi home at 3 in the morning so i could babysit in the morning. before i caught the taxi we walked around rating all the girls clubbing in their wee dresses and fake tanned legs out of ten. when i got home and mum was having a crazy piss up with all her weird stoner friends, i got so ridiculously drunk and woke up holding a bottle of bourbon. oh god.
hello holidays, I've missed you (:

fetish

you're not what i'm used to, i think that's why i like you so much.
i even like when we get drunk, we have sex, then you forget and wonder why i'm too tired to have sex. hahaha C:
happppppy birthday

stars personal is pretty

Your voice it sounded kind
I hope that you like me
When you see my face, I hope that you don't laugh
I'm not a film-star beauty
I sent a photograph
I hope that you don't laugh...

the charming man

i have decided. i am going to marry someone that looks like morrissey ehehehehe

he is oh so beautiful.

and he aged pretty A OK.

;3

i just want to see the boy happy

fuck you

i had the most wonderful day

i really did! the boy came over ;3 i was starting to get unhappy and grouchy.
we talked lots and he told me all his crazy stories about stupid things he's done like put his arm in a bear trap and broke his arm..... that's why i love you bahaha.

i'm not gay

so on the way home from Michelle's there are these girls at the back of the bus that go to Cashmere and they're all "hey didn't she go to our school..... i was in her class.... isn't she gay.... hahaha ew"
i'm not gay. i bat for both teams.
yes i find girls more sexually attractive but i'm not gay. i like boys! ;3

we're such rebels

we really are ;3 we got bored of not getting much candy so we walked to richies house and said hi! he was on habbo. haha he's so lovely. anyway. we wandered up his street to this house.... that had a package in it's mailbox... we stole the package, bolted up the road, ripped it open to find a... oh so gorgeous dress...
i swear it was curtains till i pulled it out and saw the big hideous bow...
that person had taste obv.

i can walk in a straight line!

well. we went to the gig. hahaha oh did we go! we got ridiculously off our tree and stumbled into the gig.
we danced around like crazy people and drunk in a toilet cubical.
i really don't remember much
i remember saying "I'm dating Jordan next Tuesday" and everyone laughing hysterically.
i remember banging into people while i was dancing.
i remember arguing with the guy that kicked us out and telling him it was SO rude of him to think that i would be DRUNK, even though we could barely walk, we stunk of alcohol and my lovely drunk tomato face said otherwise.
i remember vomiting in a bin.
i remember stumbling into Michelle's house.
and then i remember waking up.
it was a lovely night. i was so happy. i haven't lost myself that much in a while.
gigs would really be no fun sober.